How to Ask for What You Want Out of Life

The other day I was running errands and really needed to use the restroom.

I knew that I was 20 minutes away from my next location and that place would have a public restroom for me to use. However, I was currently at the dry cleaners dropping off clothing and didn’t see a public restroom sign & didn’t want to ask to use a private restroom to risk being told “no.”

So in the middle of my transaction, as a new 34-year-old, I stood tethering back and forth doing the potty dance like my toddler...knowing that one funny joke or meme from Black Twitter would literally release the floodgates.

When I couldn’t take it anymore and realized I still had 17 minutes until I was at my next location I decided to ask for what I wanted out of life into order to be more happy. In this case, I politely asked to use the private restroom. To my relief, the answer was a swift “yes.”


This situation of being afraid to ask for fear of the results wasn’t rare to me.

Often times, I don’t move forward with endeavors out of fear that I would be rejected, shamed or ridiculed. Instead of living with those harsh feelings of rejection, I typically make the decision to err on the side of caution and wait until a situation is ideal.

This bad behavior (although the situation was trivial) made me question my ability to be brave in times of uncertainty. I needed to be able to take risks and ask for what I wanted. Not asking for what I wanted landed me in couples counseling for the second time after my son was born and here I was two years later making the same mistakes again.

We can all agree that it’s difficult to unlearn behaviors but I believe in tiny shifts. Here’s how to ask for what you want…

Challenge yourself by asking specifically for things that you want no matter how big or small.

Know what you want! Its unfair to assume that people should know what you want if you haven’t articulated it.

Acknowledge that “no” is not the end of the world. It’s just another starting point that will get me closer to my goal; Even if that goal is a simple tinkle.

Be willing to accept the outcomes and walk away when its not what you asked for.

In the real world, whether in your personal or professional life, make a decision to ask for what you want out of life in order to be more happy and stress free. Then wait for the results. Chances are it will definitely work in your favor & you’ll be clear on what it is that you need in order to win, and be successful.


Ar’Sheill Monsanto